definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize