I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
