2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
