then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
