so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
