Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
