I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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