I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
