Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
