Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
