So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
