So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
