just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
