I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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