if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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