covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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