He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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