i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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