I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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