I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
