so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
