So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw I puked in your glovebox
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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