I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
