get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
