Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
