just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
birth control should be required to get into college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
