When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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