We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
