Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
