PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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