I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
