Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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