So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
