I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
