I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
