one two three fourrrrnication!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
