I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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