is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
