and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
