So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
