to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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