That's intense
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
