this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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