you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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