I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
