i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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