do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did i walk over a car last night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
