Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
