I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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