so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to sanitize my soul.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
