rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
