i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
