Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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