did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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