wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
