I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
