you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We talked him into tasing himself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
