he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
