i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
