I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
